as I mentioned in comments to arrogance and elizasdream, you ladies are inspiring. I can pretty much totally empathise with what you've said; it is incredibly awesome to me.
I really wonder sometimes if my family does secretly worry about me, thinking I'm a lesbian or just in some sick mode of self-consciousness. and it's neither of those things. I am pretty narcissistic overall, but I like to think I'm the decent brand of it, if you can imagine that.
and I am quite adamant about making clear that if dating should be done, and anything should go further than that, going by Hollywood's lines is the ultimate no-no in life! I think of Jerry McGuire and how one of them says "you complete me". I used to believe that. then I grew up and got my own brain to think. it's not about "completing", it's about "complimenting". I'm not totally against dating or pursuing life long relationships with a guy, but if I should find someone date worthy and we make something of it, I want to be able to know that I will be fine and quite capable all on my own if we might break up.
so often people get seriously emotionally derranged and lose themselves when they go through a break up. I know, I've been there. but I've learned a hell of a lot since then. that was when I was 16, and I'm 19 now. I've changed immensely. and I don't so much think I had the typical ordinary relationship back then. it meant a lot to me. but pain or not, I learned a lot from it. it's complicated, I'm sure, but I am going to guess that you'll trust me on this one.
I know I'm young yet and being that I changed so much in one year's time, as a part of my first year of college, I might change plenty more in all directions in my future. but my college experience was not like most. I had a life I was given that I didn't much like, so come college time I decided to make the best of it. most of my peers know nothing of how I feel about life itself, and how enamored I am with it. in high school I hated life and basically everyone. but I've grown so much since then and it's not something you can just tell someone about, then to have them change too. it's so much more than that.
I've also found incredible friends who make life ten million times more awesome, for when I choose to be a social creature. I am blessed in some sense and I am all about appreciating it & enjoying my time here on this beautiful earth. I am quite happy for those who can truly know what I mean, no matter their subjectivity.
post more! we all deserve it. =D